Set fire to your hair Poke a stick at a grizzly bear Eat medicines that’s out of date Use your private parts as piranha bait Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Get your toast out with a fork Do your own electrical work Teach yourself how to fly Eat a two week old unrefrigerated pie Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Invite a psycho-killer inside Scratch your drug dealer’s brand new ride Take your helmet off in outer space Use your clothes dryer as a hiding place Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Keep a rattlesnake as pet Sell both the kidneys on the internet Eat a tube of superglue “I wonder what’s this red button do?” Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die Dress up like a moose during hunting season Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason Stand on the edge of a train station platform Drive around the boom gates at a level crossing Run across the tracks between the platforms They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly Dumbest ways to die Dumbest ways to die Dumbest ways to die So many dumb So many dumb ways to die