Now I've got a cousin called Kevin He's sure to go to heaven Always spotless clean and neat The smoothest you can get them He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket My ma said they cost a packet She won't even let me explain That me and Kevin were just not the same Oh my perfect cousin What I like to do he doesn't He's his family's private joy His mothers little golden boy He's gotta degree in economics Maths - physics and bionics He thinks that I'm a cabbage Cos I hate university challenge Even at the age of ten Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then He always beat me at Subbuteo Cos he flicked the kick And I didn't know Oh my perfect cousin .. His mother bought him a synthesizer Got the Human League into advise her Now he's making lots of noise Playing along with the art school boys Girls try to attract his attention But what a shame it's in vain total rejection He will never be left on the shelf Cos Kevin he's in love with himself Oh my perfect cousin